Cris commented on my previous post saying my post was more subtle than she expected it to be. I explained that the stimulus was intellectual and not emotional and so I was able to take an objective stand. But, it seems that the heavens think otherwise. Why else would I get a mail, with a comment to the post, that provokes and insinuates and almost dares me to respond? Sigh! Divine providence! 😛
Mahesh Anand, who commented on the previous post, (I removed the link because the author deleted the post) also sent me an email with comments. I will try and rebut the major points. He says he does not want to start an argument. Doesn’t matter. Some things must be discussed. For the better or for the worse. So, here we go.
First, the question of smoking and drinking. He says smoking and drinking are a vice anyway. I agree. But, my opinion is slightly different. I have no problems with smoking being condemned and criticised. It ruins one’s health and can cause a wide range of ailments, from impotence to cancer. But, I feel the need to clarify that alcohol in itself is not bad. It is the excessive consumption and abuse of alcohol that make it dangerous to well-being. But, my idea was not to eulogise smoking and drinking. People are free to decide what the limits of socially acceptable behaviour are. But, whatever they may be, they should be the same for men and women. That is all. Whether that freedom is exercised by the woman is another question. The keyword here is equality. As for women smoking in Mumbai, I do not see the connection. Men smoke in Mumbai too. Why are women singled out to become symbols of decadence? I don’t get it.
Next, to my comment on beauty treatments and threading, he says, "To your comments about beauty, waxing, facials, eyebrows…. i feel that you are being noticed for all these that you are doing this." I am sure many of you will agree, but what women do is their business. And the men may please stop deluding themselves. We do not do our eyebrows and fingernails, wax or get facials for you to notice us. You are not the be all and end all of our existence. As a woman, I do all this because it makes me feel great. Just like getting a nice oil massage makes anyone, man or woman, relax. And there is a more important person in the whole waxing, threading, facials deal. Me. Men just happen to occupy the same part of the world. That’s all. Thank God, all men are not the same.
Finally, a comment on women wearing sleeveless. "I have always wondered why its the ladies who always prefer tops without sleeves.I have never seen gents preferring the same to show their biceps." Same answer as above. We wear sleeveless because we feel nice in them. Men just happen to be there when we wear them. We do not wear them so that men can ogle at our skin. Ok? If men do not wear sleeveless, it is their choice. Don’t expect us not to wear it simply because men do not.
Hehe yeah this is more the kind I had in mind. Anyway, there is no point in asking why do women do this and that, when its no rule or restriction limited to women. Men can take up any or all of that, its only a matter of choice. I dont understand why anyone should fail to understand that simple logic- if a woman wants to drink, she drinks, if she wants to wear sleeveless she wears, if she wants to cook, she cooks. Ditto for men. The end.
Unfortunately, some men believe they have the authority to tell women how to live. They need to learn abut Individual Freedom.
They also have Double Standards. Men switched to western clothing long ago, but if a woman is wearing something they are not used to seeing her wear, they must assume they have a right to object. A sari reveals more, but is acceptable, because that is traditional, and we worship tradition, specially when women have to carry it.
Wearing sleeveless or traveling alone, or going to watch a movie alone in a small town, or plucking her eye brows are are not anybody’s business but her own, men need to re-learn some basic rules of a civilized society, ‘We do not assume authority where none is given. If we do not like plucked eye brows, we stop ogling. It’s HER eye brows, so MY eyes need not stay glued to them.’
lovely post and well deserved answer… sadly enough the society doesnt understand this the day they do we wont need a thing called feminism
we have the right to do what we want the way we want just as men do….
I read your blog but never commented. I loved the feminish post and this one too. I agree.
Actually, men do wear sleeveless, precisely to flaunt their biceps.
That apart, i dont think any one has any right to tell a woman how to behave/dress. When will they grow up?
@ all: Thanks. Glad someone understands. But apparently, I have violated this person’s privacy by publishing his name. Anyway, I am trying to avoid bitterness. Some people don’t seem to listen.