I am in one of my philosophical moods. I don’t know how long this will last. Maybe it will go away tomorrow or maybe it will last another week, another month…no idea! But when I am in such a mood, it becomes a bit difficult for me to write humour, or anything else non-philosophical for that matter. Yesterday, I was reading Ponniyin Selvan. Again. Kalki describes the meeting between Vanthiyathevan and Kundavai. And here, he talks of that famous story of Adam and Eve being created on either sides of a mountain. They had everything they needed but something was missing. They finally burrowed through the mountain and discovered one another. They fell in love and lived happily ever after.
When I first read this story at the age of 14, I believed it. Perhaps because I was still a naïve and stupid teenager. I genuinely believed that someone, somewhere was made for me. That one day, he would come to me, on a white charger and take me away. Movies like Dil To Pagal Hai and Hum Aapke Hain Kaun only fed my already overactive imagination. But today, when I look back, it seems stupid. Stupid to believe that one call fall in love at first sight, that when you look at someone you know he is the one for you. Maybe I am too much of a cynic, but I look at hundreds of people every day. At best, if I found a guy attractive, I would tell myself he is attractive. Or that he would make a potential candidate for husband. I don’t think he is the only one for me. And I definitely don’t fall in love.
To be blunt, I don’t think love at first sight exists. People may agree or disagree. But, to me, it’s a myth. It’s a product of overactive imaginations of millions of teenaged girls fed on a staple diet of black and white heroes and heroines of the Mills and Boon novels. Just like I will never find a tall, dark and handsome Greek business tycoon to get married to, I will never fall in love at first sight. Because, as they say, appearances are deceptive. People are not black or white. We are all simply shades of grey. Some dark. Some lighter. We are all flawed because we are human. And to judge human beings, even a lifetime is not enough. We are that complicated.
So, am I saying that love is non-existent? No. Most definitely not. Love exists. But love is what we feel for an abandoned pup, for our parents, for siblings, for our partner of many years…Love is when an 80-year old woman still gets up at 5 in the morning to make hot coffee for her husband of 60 years. Love is when the husband of 60 years feels lonely and lost the minute his wife falls sick and is in hospital. Love is felt…and almost never explained. Because, to me, love is inexplicable and indefinable.
An interesting and new definition of love.’Love thy neighbour as thyself’ is an important teaching of Jesus.When the Jews ask him as to who is a neighbour, Jesus comes out with the parable of ‘The Good Samaritan’.Lot of views, often conflicting are expressed about this parable.Secular explanation or atheistic explanation is that Jesus wanted to tell the Jews about the fallacy of their belief in their being the “Chosen Seed” and hence a superior people.It is pertinent to note here that the orthodox jews,while sleeping would not their keep their head in the direction of Samaria for fear of being polluted.So choosing a Samaritan as the neighbor was itself a revolutionary idea and disturbing for the jewish orthodoxy.
Tolstoy in his short story ,”Where love is God is” quotes from the Bible.The protogonist of the story Martin,a cobbler is waiting for God after hearing a voice from God himself that he would be calling on him.During the wait he helps many strangers.In the evening when he wonders asto why God has not turned up he again hears a voice telling him that He had visited Martin.
Then Tolstoy quotes from the New Testament,Mathew chapter 25, verses thirty five and thirty six.”For I was hungry and you gave me food;I was thirsty and you gave Me drink;I was a stranger and you took me in:
I was naked and you clothed me;I was in prison and you came to me.”
I request you not to look at me as a born again Christian for saying this.It is just that the thing called love manifests itself in so many ways in so many contexts.The bond between the mother and the offspring of all the species is something that defies explanations.Scientists explain it in terms of hormones and instinct.But I feel during the course of evolution we must have got far away from the mere instinctive responses of the distant past.
Thank you for giving an opportunity to think and say something.In your own way you are doing a great service to mankind.
Bye, Selvan
this post was like reading my own thoughts. I have always been termed as a cold cynic by my friends for my views on love but now, happy to know someone shares it too.the concept of “soulmates” sold by the movies is another big farce people earnestly fall for.
Welcome to my blog Arthi. Sometimes, it’s better to be cynical than be a romantic. Less heartbreak, less pain. It’s a defense against hurt, you know?