The hunt is on…
Yeah…you read that right! The hunt begins. Actually, it began quite some time ago. I just haven’t gotten around to writing about it yet. Every month, the hunt goes something like this. Dad downloads an excel sheet with details of “boys” in it. Yeah! Once again, you read that right! Excel sheet. Easy to filter out you see? Tech-savvy IT professional that he is, he finds it the easiest way to weed out those he considers unsuitable for his darling daughter!
Before you ask me, caste criterion is already fulfilled. The list downloaded only contains details of Iyer/Iyengar/Madhwa Brahmin boys. Other castes are filtered at that stage. At this point, the excel sheet contains roughly 950 entries. The first filter to be applied is gothram. Don’t get me wrong. Not the gothram of those famed caste-based khap panchayat-ordered honour killings. This has something to do with which cowshed my ancestors belong to. Don’t ask me the logic. I fail to understand and will not argue the point. Frankly, it’s a waste of time. Anyways, to get back to the point, after filtering the inappropriate gothram, he is left with roughly 800 entries.
Next is age. Those younger than me and more than 5 years older are automatically disqualified. I am not a cradle-snatcher and don’t fancy younger men you see. And, the five-year limit is decided in consultation with parents for reasons ranging from financial to balding before I do! Again…waste of time to argue! This filter brings the number down further from 800 to roughly 550. Then comes income. While I am not a gold-digger and am not looking for someone with a six-figure monthly salary, the idea of not being able to afford my monthly beauty parlour pampering routine due to financial issues is rather off-putting! So, someone with appropriate salary levels is required. This filter narrows the choice from 550 to roughly 250.
At this point, you begin to think that finding a “suitable boy” is more difficult than going to the moon for a weekend away. But, it’s not over yet! Appropriate salary levels do not guarantee education. And most men are put off by my multiple postgraduate degrees, or intimidated by it. You see, not everyone is jobless enough to do the same thing twice! For a man to be ok with my education, he himself must have been jobless enough to take up graduate study at least once in this life, if not twice. This filter reduces the sample size from 250 to roughly 200. That’s not bad actually, given that an MBA is rather easy to get nowadays and people seem to think of it as an essential rather than as an added qualification. So far so good!
If you are thinking that it shouldn’t be difficult for me to find one of 200 people, wait till you hear the rest. At 5 feet and 9 inches, I tower over most Indian men. This implies than only men who are taller than 5’9” are eligible. This is where most of the filtering occurs. The sample size that was previously a decent 200 comes down to a rather difficult-to-choose-from 40. Of the 40 left, Dad allows me to look at each of the individual profiles to decide if they must call. Now, I must admit I have expectations that are not easy to match. To know more, you should probably click to read this! While that post was a bit of an exaggeration, it’s true that my expectations are quite high! This translates to 3 shortlisted candidates out of 40. 5 if it’s a particularly good month. Of the 3, one only wants a Vadama Iyer, another wants his wife to quit her job after marriage and the third has just found a soulmate 30 seconds before mom’s call! So…that leaves me with zero!
This drama repeats month after month. Sometimes, twice in the last year, there is one soul who is brave enough to actually agree to meet me! Heaven help him! Any wonder then that a year on, I am still single? Mom says there is an “Aayirathil Oruvan” waiting somewhere for me. I am thinking it’s closer to being roughly 1: 10826! 😛
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15 Comments
Praveen
What an interesting read I say! 😛
One more category is the “smartness quotient” which you will know only when you “meet” the guy I suppose?
Et comment les garçons réagissent quand ils savent que vous connaissez le français?
In my friend’s case, that was another intimidating factor for the “prospective grooms”.
amrutha
“Smartness quotient” is very difficult to judge. And as for French…I don’t tell them that I am fluent in French. And they assume that I have put French there because I studied in the 11th and 12th classes! 😛
sreekrishnanv
seriously one of the most interesting read on this topics. 5 times this happens with the same ending, will that be the time to kick one filter criteria out? I’ve seen that happen to my friends !!
and what if more than one comes up and both are good as in say since you start at same levels and proceed at the same level.. somewhere if there is a hung assembly types? 😉 [Co incidence atleast !!]
amrutha
As far as I am concerned, the only “compromisable” criterion is caste. And that, for my parents is non-negotiable. So…no!
As for the hung assembly bit…hmm! I’ll say yes to the first guy who says yes to me I suppose…if I like both equally that is. But, since am rather demanding, that bit seems very unlikely at the moment!
karthikeyan pandian
good one !! hilariuos to read !!! All the best for your hunt and wish you get the best after the years of search 🙂
selvan
This gotra business appears to be a device to avoid in-breeding.However marrying cousins as is the practice among some communities defeats the purpose.Hence among the Jats and Rajputs marriage among relatives is prohibited up to seven generations.
One Bengali friend of mine told me that to circumvent the rule either the bride or groom would be adopted by an uncle of a different gotra.
Reema
Oh the horrors of groom hunting!! Thankfully I didnt have to suffer it! All the best!
Julie Buz.
Ooh… I think I’ll keep this post for future reference! My mum told me that, if I don’t find a guy by 30, she’ll take matters into her own hands… I guess that in the meantime, I’d better teach her how to use Excel. :o)
In any case, there’s no use just sitting around waiting – you’ve got to help chance a little bit, you know? (But at the same time, don’t push it.)
amrutha
Joolz!! May this never happen to you! And yes, there is no use sitting around…but who said I am? 😉
Shrinath
You are just plain lazy to find your own guy. So this meeting of the brave soul happens with all the trappings of bajji/sojji? Or a in some coffee shop?
Amrutha
Am not lazy…but a bit difficult to socialize keeping in mind requirements of Brahmin, not belonging to my cowshed etc…socializing in Coffee Shop! I be damned if I were to serve them bajji/sojji.
Sriram
Amrutha, first time here. this was a good read. i can relate well with this as i am going through the same ordeal too. great blog btw. cheers 🙂
Amrutha
Welcome welcome!! 🙂 Ordeal is a massive understatement! This is such a royal pain in the a** it’s unbelievable! I just don’t seem to connect with the guys I meet and those I do connect with, are all married!! Che! What life!!
Sriram
Hahah. ATB with the hunt 🙂
Amrutha
Thanks!! 😀