The ones we love…

Many of you must have seen the new ad campaign launched by Canara Bank. “We change for the ones we love”, goes the tag line. It touches a cord, and gives meaning to the image makeover that the bank is hoping to publicise. But, I read a rather interesting, but slightly misguided commentary on the Youth Curry blog by Rashmi Bansal. She admits that the campaign is far more successful and meaningful than the recent SBI campaign (which I don’t really remember). But, goes on to claim that making to many adjustments and changes leads to a loss of one’s identity.

“We change little by little but it all adds up. You make a million small changes or ‘adjustments’ as they say and poof! Your own identity gets completely lost.”

Now, that is making a mountain out of a molehill. As one commentator points out, “I love XYZ, but I will not change for him/her” is too hard-line a stance and such a attitude will hardly make for a harmonious relationship. At the same time, one cannot sacrifice everything for the ones we love. But, honestly, I don’t see what’s wrong in making the effort to understand golf, or cricket or football so that you can enter your loved one’s world for at least some time. That does not mean you go golfing ever day. But, it surely would not hurt to try. There is a reason people fall in love. They see something in the other that draws them in and binds them in a relationship. It may be his obsessive love for sport, his ability to make you feel great or quite simply his honesty in relationships. Whatever it is, it is worth preserving.

Ms. Bansal is quite objective for the major portion of her post. But, she begins to falter when she
says that it’s mostly the women who make more compromises. Here I am, championing the underdog’s case, once again, simply because nobody seems to see the other side. Many men make compromises, adjustments or whatever else you choose to call it for the women they love. A mother learning Punjabi to welcome her new daughter-in-law, or a father trying to share his daughter’s love for music is hardly exaggerated. We are all human, and we try to make the people in our lives as happy as we can. If that means making some changes, trying to understand and appreciate the other, or do things we would not normally do, so be it.

That said, Ms. Bansal hits the nail on the head with her concluding words,

“You gotta spend time together but also give each other some space! And this applies to all you boyfriend-girlfriend types as well.”

Trust me, it’s much simpler to go book-shopping or clothes-shopping alone, that with a reluctant and grumpy boyfriend in tow. If he doesn’t like it, leave him alone. He would rather spend the afternoon lazing around on the couch watching cricket that following you around in Health&Glow or Landmark, doing something he absolutely detests. It is up to us, as individuals, to draw the line between making compromises and changing voluntarily. Problems arise only when those lines get blurred.