Personal
Assorted thoughts…
I finished read “The Reluctant Fundamentalist” by Mohsin Hamid a few days ago. Okay-ish story, interesting style, but the character seems to lack depth. I am not very convinced about why he decided to turn anti-America. Was it because his girlfriend (was she ever that?) was too enamoured with her dead ex to be truly his girlfriend? Or was it because of the situation back home? Or maybe because he suddenly faced suspicion despite his American demeanour, his wine-drinking ways and his Princeton education? I don’t have the answers. It’s just that the book didn’t manage to touch my heart.
Sticking to the books, I am now reading “P.S. I Love You.” Mushy, depressing and ultra-romantic. Doesn’t quite sit well with my current mood. But, I’ll hold my judgement until I finish the book!
Over the past week, my thoughts have swung rather wildly from philosophy to literature to cinema to pointless pondering. One such pointless pondering involves a bit of introspection. Why do we, as human beings, constantly seeks acceptance and approval from others to simply be ourselves? Yeah! I am talking about myself. Guilty as charged! Ever ready to say sorry just to avoid conflict, wanting to please all and sundry despite being possibly the most unpredictable person on the planet and feeling miserable about not being able to live up to expectations, I understand now that I have hurt myself more than others have hurt me.
Someone told me about 10 days ago that my only flaw of character was that was overly emotional. He said that if I learnt to control my emotions and not allow them to rule over my rather intelligent brain, I would be a better person. I argued at that point that he was wrong, that emotions were good and that they made me human. But 10 days on, I wonder if he was right. Maybe…just maybe, I need to learn to be more practical and pragmatic rather than emotional and impulsive. Maybe I need to feel more confident about myself and tell people to go to hell if they didn’t like me for who I was. Just maybe. And maybe, like he said…there was really nothing wrong with me apart from being hypersensitive and emotional.
I’ve been trying, over the past week to be less emotional. In the past, I have shed tears that I now realize were entirely unnecessary. I realize that those tears, however justified, conveyed that I was weak and made people take me for granted. But today, I make this solemn promise to myself: I refuse to live life by someone else’s expectations. I refuse to be burdened by those ideals that someone else has of a perfect woman. I also refuse to be compared in any way with anyone who is not me, no matter how perfect the person may be! I promise myself that I will just be me!
Of marriage, MBA and communication skills!
I just saw this blogpost by Rashmi Bansal. She’s blogging after a rather long break and it’s good to see her back! But, to get back to the point, she touches upon issues that are varied and yet pertinent and most probably interconnected. As far as small-town, tier 3 B-schools are concerned, the truth is that today, a B-school degree is “buyable”. You don’t need any degree of competence or intelligence to actually acquire an MBA and apart from the top-rung institutions, not many B-schools offer quality management education. There are, of course, exceptions to that rule, but B-schools, by and large, money-spinners rather than educational institutions.
I think Rashmi is better-qualified to comment on the state of management education in India that I am. My concern for the moment is the plight of that girl who is a first-year B-school student and whose parents want to see her married to a “suitable boy”. As far as the marriage market is concerned, it’s a case of “damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.” A girl needs to acquire a decent degree, better still, a post-graduate degree to be considered a “saleable” commodity in the marriage market. After all, every man wants a smart, well-educated and articulate wife. Even better if the said post-graduate degree is a “professional” one! But that’s where we draw the line. A smart, well-educated, articulate, beautiful girl who has a degree or three must however, not be assertive or have a mind of her own. You’re damned if you choose not to study beyond the mandatory first degree because nobody wants a dumb bride! You’re also damned if you make unconventional life choices and study beyond the universally-accepted MBA!
So, the ideal scenario would be that a woman acquire those desirable traits to make herself desirable in the marriage market. And pray, what are those desirable traits? A post-graduate degree (preferably in management) but not more, articulate speech, beauty (a.k.a a bleached “fair and lovely” fairness), and a desire to be a doormat for the rest of her life! What have you? Do they even make women this way any more? More and more women I know are working not because they have to, but because they want to. More and more women are choosing to make careers and not just get jobs. But, the attitude of the men doesn’t seem to be changing. Ok! Perhaps I am being a bit harsh here. Men are changing, they are beginning to accept and even appreciate brains in a woman. But their parents still seem stuck in the 13th Century!
When will we, as a society get over this dual obsession: of acquiring pointless “professional” degrees nobody ever uses and of finding our children “suitable” boys and girls? When will we understand that the number of degrees you possess is no indicator of just how intelligent you are? When will we manage to figure out that intelligent is an asset and not a liability? If ever!
The mandatory end-of-year post!
“2010 was” is a hashtag that is trending right now on Twitter. But I honestly don’t know what 2010 was for me. It certainly was a learning experience, as every minute is. But it was also a year when I rediscovered myself. It was a year when I felt alternatively on top of the world and in the depths of despair. At the end of every year, life affords us a choice: look back and regret, or look forward and plan. Right now, I feel like doing neither. I know today is December 31 and a few hours ahead, our friends in Kiribati (or is it some other Pacific island?) will welcome the New Year in all pomp and splendor. But I also know that like many other things, it’s just a date. So, on this date (like any other) I choose to think about what I learnt.
1. This year I learnt that love and hate are just two sides of a coin. I learnt that the more you love someone, the more likely you are to hate that person. I learnt that this holds true irrespective of the relationship you share with him/her.
2. This year I learnt that some things are better left unsaid. I learnt that silences speak better than words, especially in situations where words cannot convey what eyes can. I also learnt that those who really love you will read and understand the language of the eyes and that those who don’t are not worth your while anyway.
3. This year I learnt that like love, friendships can be made instantly. I also learnt that unlike falling out of love, the break of friendship can also be brutally abrupt and sudden. I learnt that it is always possible to survive that break of friendship because ultimately you’re all you have.
4. This year I learnt that some experiences, however painful can be cathartic and help you overcome a pain you never knew existed.
5. This year I learnt that age is just a number. Having celebrated my 28 years of existence, I feel more beautiful and vibrant than I did ten years ago. I learnt that the number of years you’ve walked this earth has nothing to do with who you are and how people perceive you.
6. On that note, I learnt that I still have three years to go to be at my most attractive because apparently, women are at sexiest at 31! 😉 And, if you’re the one who said it, please remember that that was the greatest compliment I’ve ever received!
7. This year I learnt to never say no to any experience because it might just be the most wonderful you’ve ever had in life! I also learnt that sometimes you just need to throw caution to the winds and live your life for what it is worth.
8. And finally, this year I learnt that I love to receive compliments and that they actually make me a nicer person, more beautiful, happier and most contented with life!
So, on this note, what did you learn? Did you too, like me, learn that some things in life should never be compromised and that some others should be discarded because we longer have any use of them? And finally, if you’re reading this, kindly de-lurk. I would love to know who my readers are!
Reasons to write
With 83 posts in 2007, steadily declining to a measly 16 (now 17) in 2010, I decided to make a New Year resolution: to post at least once every two days. Now, all of us make such irrational and impulsive resolutions at the end of the year, more out of desperation than any measure of sanity. But the point is I want to write. I want to be slightly more prolific than I have been this past year. I realize that my blogging break is more because I have slacked off and not bothered to keep myself abreast of happenings around the world, than because of any genuine problem with writing.
But, that’s not what this post is about. I, like the big-mouth fool I am, decided to share this resolution with the world on Facebook. Now, you might ask me if I am not being a bigger fool by sharing it with the world outside Facebook by writing about it on my blog. The answer is most probably a yes! But again, this is my space and I will say what I want. So, to get back to the point, I shared this with friends on Facebook. The term “friend” is probably not the most appropriate here, but that’s another post for another day. Within seconds of my posting the status, one commented asking me to take a complete blogging break, and get out to meet the “real” world and make “real” friends, see people with “real” faces and have some “real” fun! Another promptly commented saying he completely agreed with the first: which is what brings me to the purpose of this post.
I don’t understand why so many people confuse blogging with social networking. If I can stay connected with people on Facebook or Orkut or LinkedIn 24/7, why can I not blog with as much passion? Why is blogging considered such a waste of time that I get random advice about stepping out into the real world? I have mentioned in the past that writing for me is about expressing ideas, feelings, thoughts and desires. That writing is a creative outlet that keeps me happy and satisfied. I have also said that by choosing to blog under my real name and by linking my blog to my accounts in Twitter, Facebook and elsewhere, I am probably risking censure and slander. But the very fact that I am still at it, four years on, is an indication of how much this really means to me.
I don’t write for people to read and comment. I find comments and discussion extremely stimulating and would love to respond and interact if people chose to comment. But I don’t write expecting people to leave all else and follow my blog. I don’t look at my blog as a social networking tool that will permit me to make friends in the virtual world. Of the 280-odd friends on my friends’ list on FB, there are probably just a couple whom I have never met. Also, the fact that I have never met them does not make them any less “real” or the friendship any less important. Friendships made in the virtual world can be as stimulating as those made in real life. I write because I feel like expressing myself. I run a blog because it gives me a platform to publish those writings, which would otherwise remain unread and unnoticed.
I can’t reiterate this enough. My blog is my every own personal space. It is my sacred haven and my refuge. I choose to share it with those who care enough to read. But, a world outside also exists. I also have friends and family in the real world. I also do fun things like singing, dancing, attending concerts, going to lunches and dinners and discussing a range of topics with those I meet. Am I being unreasonable and unrealistic in expecting people to understand this simple fact? I honestly have no answer to that question. All I know is, I will write no matter what anybody says or does. I will write because it means something to me. I don’t promise to publish 15 times a month like I resolved for New Year, but I will certainly try to be a little more prolific that in the past few months. Until next time, have fun and celebrate the coming of a very happy new year!
Tagged…Reading more of each other…
Just when I was wondering how exactly to go about writing my next post, this tag by Julie came as a saviour. She points to the 7-link Challenge and requests all bloggers take this up. I would request all of you reading this to take this up as well. This is especially true for those of you who figure on my long-neglected blogroll and also for any of you who reads this blog regularly but has never commented. If you are looking for an excuse to blog, here it is! So, this is what you do. Link to posts in the following seven categories. 1) your first post, 2) the post you enjoyed writing the most, 3) a post that had a great discussion, 4) a post on someone else’s blog that you wish you had written, 5) your most helpful post, 6) a post with the title you’re most proud of, and 7) a post that you wish more people had read.
My list is here!! Hope you enjoy it. Keep visiting.
1) your first post
Ahem…stop embarrassing me! The first post was just an announcement that I have decided to start a blog! But since you asked, here it is. It’s called a Space of One’s Own. In fact, this blog was called that for over 2 years, until I decided I was bored with it.
2) the post you enjoyed writing the most
Ok…there are two. But if you want just one, I’d vote for “The Quest for the Perfect Bride.” Making fun of my friend was just too good to resist. And my! His reactions when he read it made all my effort totally worth it!
3) a post that had a great discussion
Again, two of them. The post with the maximum number of comments us on Hinduism and Mangalore’s pubs. Granted, I received a lot of unwanted attention and was even called names for this one, but I stand by every word I wrote in it. The kind of support I received on this post from bloggers and non-bloggers alike was simply overwhelming.
4) a post on someone else’s blog that you wish you had written
I discovered Meghna’s blog some time back. I loved this post. But, when I learnt she was just 12 years old (now 13) at the time, I wished I could write at least half as well. Sigh! Some things are not to be. 😉
5) your most helpful post
Ok! Now I think it’s this, but guys…you need to tell me if it really is! 😛
6) a post with the title you’re most proud of
Now, I am not particularly clever with titles. In fact, my posts have titles only because they feel incomplete without it. But I quite liked this.
7) a post that you wish more people had read.
Ok. I am linking to two, related posts. One, trying to demystify the US-India Nuclear Deal. The second justifying the need for nuclear energy. Both are well-researched, well-articulated posts. But somehow, nob0dy seems interested enough to comment!
And now, let me pass the baton to all those who are in my blogroll. And also to those would want to take this up. Please do link back so I know you’ve done it and I can read! So long!