On hot chapathis

Read this post by IHM. I love the rebuttals. I love the comments even more. As she says, it’s not about the chapathis. It doesn’t matter whether the chapathis are eaten hot or cold. I know many people (both men and women) who can’t eat their food hot. That is not the issue. The issue here is the commentator in question assuming that the woman must always eat last. I don’t get it. If you are hungry you eat.

Dinner time is bonding time. I come back around 8 30 every night. My parents and I have dinner together. They choose to wait. After I get married, maybe I too will choose to wait. Maybe I will be too tired to wait and leave food in a hot pack and go to bed after having had my dinner. Maybe I won’t cook at all. The problem here is men assuming that women want to do all this. Sometimes, even other women (mothers in-law) assume that it’s a wifely duty to wait until the husband has eaten. They call it tradition. I call it chauvinism. I hate to eat alone. It makes me cry. It makes me lonely. So, I wait. For dad, mom or husband. But, that’s just me. Why do men assume the wife will wait. Why do they expect her to stay up until midnight without eating. It’s inherently unjust. Don’t they realise that? There is no harmony possible if one person is forced to do all the work, and wait until the rest of the family has eaten. Agreed. Someone must cook. But, can’t you at least show empathy? If not love. Could you at least ask why she hasn’t eaten. Could you sit with her while she eats? Could you help her clean up? Could you at least leave her alone to eat in peace without demanding paan and dessert immediately? Is that too much to ask? Tell me please.

On that note, Nimmy has a post on How to be a better wife. I would rather not go into the details of all that I feel. But, let me express my indignation at being told to be a domestic Goddess and appreciate my husband’s…er…manly things. And also at being told to honour his right to rule over me and my kids. Rule? Did you say rule? I am sorry. I am not a kingdom, or a piece of cattle. Nobody has the right to rule over me. I am a living and thinking individual. I wish to bring up my children as thinking individuals too. Not as a cattle herd. This reminds me of Subramanya Bharathi’s words,

“Solladee Sivasakthi, ennai sudarmigum arivudan padaitthu vittaai.”

God has given me the brains. I will use it. I am sorry if it too inconvenient for the rest of our sexist friends.

4 thoughts on “On hot chapathis

  1. Indian Homemaker says:

    Your words here, gave me goose bumps … “I hate to eat alone. It makes me cry. It makes me lonely.”
    Times are changing and we can make sure we help this change, – just the fact that so many of us think and realise it is wrong is a big thing Amrutha.

    I loved this part the best, God has given me the brains. I will use it. I am sorry if it too inconvenient for the rest of our sexist friends.

    I found this beautiful, heart warming post, about Women you’ll love it 🙂
    Cheers, – IHM

    IHM: Thanks. That one came straight from the heart. God forbid if I should ever be forced to eat last. I will never be able to accept such rules. I am thankful to be free to do what I want to. And I am sure it will continue after marriage. I can say that much with confidence.

  2. Shail says:

    Brilliantly put! Kudos for your post.
    “God has given me the brains. I will use it. I am sorry if it too inconvenient for the rest of our sexist friends.” Can it be said any better than this??

    Thanks! 🙂

  3. Smitha says:

    Great Post! Especially loved – ‘God has given me the brains. I will use it. I am sorry if it too inconvenient for the rest of our sexist friends’! Can’t imagine living by other people’s rules – but we are lucky aren’t we? There are so many women who donot even have a voice in so many important matters!

    Thanks Smitha. And welcome to my blog. 🙂

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