I have been tagged (by Cris) to write on what feminism is to me. Well, ok. Here we go. First of all, I do not like the term feminism. It has too many negative connotations, too much baggage and too much snobbery associated with it. Many people seem to think that feminism means man-hating. Or man-bashing. Sorry, but I do not agree. So, to avoid all that historic and cultural baggage associated with the term, I will try and not use the term.

To put it simply, feminism to me, is the notion that women must be as free as men to do what they want to. Note that I have deliberately used the phrase "as free as men". I do recognise that as human beings, we are all bound by society, by rules and by traditions. But, if something is morally and ethically wrong for a woman, it must necessarily be so for a woman too. Take for example, drinking and smoking. If it is socially unacceptable for a woman to smoke, it must necessarily be so for men too. What I cannot tolerate, is mothers defending their drunk, and totally brainless sons by saying they are men. Trust me, it happens. My friend’s husband comes home drunk every night. His mother defends him thus, "He is a man. He must be having a million problems in office. So, he drinks to relax. You have no business asking him to stop." This violates my innate sense of justice. If the mother’s justification must be accepted, then the daughter-in-law must be permitted to come home drunk after a long day’s work too. Ok? Got it?

Also, being a feminist does not mean doing things like a man. I am not a man. I cannot behave like one. I will not keep my nails dirty, my underarms unshaven and my eyebrows looking like a forest simply because men do have to wax, pedicure or thread. This is ridiculous. I have heard many self-proclaimed feminist protest against the feminine stereotype of beautiful, smooth legs and shaped eyebrows. Excuse me, but I love to do all that and more. It makes me feel feminine. I refuse to change for some deluded notion of feminism. I am a woman, and I would like to feel like one. This includes having regular periods (and no, periods can never be happy), waxing, getting facials, going shopping and buying footwear. I love all of those and I am not planning to stop any time soon.

Another difference of opinion I have had often with feminists, is on the question of parenting. I admit that men have an equal responsibility towards their children. But, I still believe that a mother’s caress and care is irreplaceable. I believe that nobody can do a better job than mom in caring for the babies. If it means that my career takes a back seat, so be it. It is for my children. My career can wait. I simply do not agree with some feminists equating stay-at-home moms with prisoners. Many do it because they care. I would.

Feminism means not being forced to do, or not do, certain things simply because we were born women. It means having the right to take decisions that will affect us without external interference. It means that as a girl, I must be treated exactly the same as my male siblings or cousins. It means being respected as an individual, cherished as a daughter, pampered as a sister and loved as a wife/girlfriend or mother. Is that too much to ask for?

I tag:

Nita – Expecting a balanced opinion on things. πŸ™‚

Christina and Deepan – Very occasional bloggers. But have a blog dedicated to feminism. Would like to hear both.

Roop – Runs a blog against female foeticide. Feminism is her pet subject.

Indian Homemaker – Would love to hear her reaction on the stay-at-home mom bit. πŸ˜›

On Feminism

7 thoughts on “On Feminism

  • November 12, 2008 at 4:40 pm

    More subtle than I expected. :-). When I read as free as men, I thot I read wrong and then your explanation made it clear. Thanks for doing the tag so soon!

  • November 12, 2008 at 5:01 pm

    Amrutha, this is certainly an interesting tag. However you have said some of the things I wanted to say! πŸ™‚ And overall, I like what you have written.
    I’ll certainly do the tag but you will have to give me time…say next week sometime.

  • November 12, 2008 at 5:02 pm

    I forgot to add, I like this theme very much. But wish you had switched to wordpress! It is so much easier to keep in touch!

  • November 12, 2008 at 5:18 pm

    feminism to me, is the notion that women must be as free as men to do what they want to

    Also, being a feminist does not mean doing things like a man..

    Exactly my thoughts…beautifully wortten..Sadly,Cris passed th tag to a boring blogger called nimmy,and more sadly ,my tag became a essay..Do read if you get time πŸ™‚

    Good day

  • November 13, 2008 at 1:42 pm

    Amrutha I would love to do this tag, this is my next post πŸ™‚

    I agree with ‘First of all, … the term feminism … has too many negative connotations, too much baggage and too much snobbery associated with it’
    and ‘Also, being a feminist does not mean doing things like a man.’

  • November 14, 2008 at 9:42 am

    Cris: Thanks. I was just trying to make myself clear. Normally, something provokes me into writing. This time the stimulus was intellectual, not emotional. That’s why.

    Nita: Take your time. Looking forward to it.

    Nimmy: I read your post. It was so appropriate. πŸ™‚ And no, it was not boring. Far from it.

    IHM: Thanks.

    And about wordpress, I am still experimenting. I have a lot of Javascripts. I want to know if I can insert them on the wordpress platform. Any idea?

  • November 15, 2008 at 10:06 am

    Tag done :))
    Tell me what you think of my take on Stay at home moms πŸ™‚


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