Reasons for love…

Facebook is a great thing sometimes. It may distract you when you are trying to learn the principles of international humanitarian law, but it certainly appeals to the creative side of your brain and helps you post on your blog at alarming speeds. The 10 posts I put up in May is proof enough. This time, my creativity stems from a rather interesting discussion I had on a group on Facebook on the issue of marriage. Normally, people getting angry would piss me off so much that I would shout right back. But, this time, I got the feeling that these women had no idea what they were talking about.

Ok, ok…let me explain. The discussion was on marriage and it somehow veered off to the arranged marriage vs. love marriage discussion. Someone on that discussion forum actually said that she would lock up her children if they wanted to get married to someone she did not approve of. Honestly, I think that stems from a feeling that your children are your slaves. Parents often forget that their baby has grown and is now an individual with feelings and preferences. Among other things, some of the discussants said that parents knew better because they were more experienced. I agree. But one actually asked me what I saw in my man that I would not find in any other. That really made me….furious…but also terribly sad.

Clearly, these people have no idea what it means to love someone so much that you would go to any extent to be with him. As Pascal said in the 17th Century, “L’amour a ses raisons que la Raison ignore.” Anyone who can rationalise the feeling of love and explain why they love another does not really love the person. They are only with that person because it is logical to be with them. Why are we asked to rationalise and explain our feelings for the people we love all the time. I have been faced with this question many times in the course of conversations with family members. “Why do you love him? What do you see in him?”, they all ask. How am I supposed to explain it? I love him…period. I don’t go into the whys and wherefores of my relationship with him. That’s because I don’t know why I love him. I just do. When people don’t understand that, it is because they have never allowed themselves to understand. It is because they have never allowed themselves to fall in love so completely that reasons become irrelevant. I believe everyone can get love like that. You just need to allow it to happen.

That said, I was also angry about another thing. The girl who asked what I saw in him that I wouldn’t find in another man really pissed me off in more ways than one. The man you love is not a dispensable entity. He is the reason you are fighting tooth and nail with people you love and respect. You love him because he is unique. He is just….himself. He may be difficult and unreasonable at times but I wouldn’t trade him in for anyone else. I love him for who he is. Warts and all. It is very easy to say that he is not anything special and that you can always find someone better. But the question is this. Is the better person necessarily right for you? And by that logic, only the sweetest, most loyal, best-looking and most intelligent people in the world would ever find love. But, it is clearly not so. People love because their heart tells them to.

That brings me back to what I said in my earlier post on marriage. Sometimes, it is good to throw rationale out of the window and think with your heart. What is this obsession with rationality? Can’t a girl be a romantic without people thinking she is insane? Sigh!