The groom-hunting saga – Final edition

Ah…so…where were we? PG4 right? This one deserves to be put in a museum and showcased for posterity. It all started with some random maami calling mom about matrimonial alliance. After talking a few times on phone with the mater, they decided to come home. The mother of PG4 walked in two days later, with husband, daughter and son-in-law in tow. After talking about all and sundry, and refusing Mom’s offer of coffee, the potential MIL turned around to me and asked me to make coffee! Resisting the temptation to throw something at her face, I played the gracious host and offered her coffee. She did not exactly endear herself to me when she wasted all the coffee I had served. If there is one thing I absolutely detest, that’s wasting food. And here she was, doing precisely that! To make matters worse, she and her darling daughter scrutinized me from top to toe like they were purchasing a doll or something. Boy! Was I relieved that they left. Actually, all of us were because my parents are grandparents were getting equally uncomfortable with their attitude.

Just when I thought I had heard the end of this story, they called and managed to persuade my mother to let me meet PG4. Honestly, just then, I would have gladly opted for staying single all my life rather than getting hitched to someone like that! Every sentence he uttered contained some reference to mom or sister. He proclaimed, rather proudly I must add, that he gave away all his salary to daddy dearest because his father knew how to spend it! He even hinted I would have to do the same. I endured roughly 15 minutes of conversation and bid the happiest goodbye of my life! I certainly don’t need to specify that I said no. My parents looked almost worried I would say yes! It was that unbearable!

I was getting better at this. The time I spent with each potential groom was getting lesser and I was becoming an expert at this stuff! PG5 turned out to be rather nice. I liked the way he looked, liked his family and everything else. After several conversations with him, I really thought this was going to be the one. Until one day, he started talking of his expectations. He asked me, out of the blue, if I would learn to sing. I thought he was kidding. And then it turned out that not only did he harbour the commendable ambition of doing kacheri in Music Academy in December, he also wanted me to do the same. Not to mention that he seemed to be “settling” for a Kannada girl because his own Tambrahm coterie would not consider him a potential groom for his brother’s crime of having married a woman of his choice! I wasn’t planning to be a compromise candidate, nor did I fancy foregoing ice-cream and cold water to become a future Sudha Raghunathan! So…the saga of PG5 came to an end!

Now…the final PG! The most bizarre of them all! I am beginning to think I attract weirdos all the time! He came home one day, much against my wishes. I was preparing to go to Bombay the next day and simply didn’t have the time for such nonsense. After landing up around dinner-time and taking his own sweet time to talk to me (after munching on snacks and drinking tea of course), he finally got around to talking. The first sentence he uttered was such a big turn-off that I didn’t listen to the rest. After asking me if I would like to continue working after marriage he said, “You see. I am 33. I don’t have much time. I want children immediately.” Now…what the eff am I supposed to say? I was almost tempted to tell him to order them off E-Bay! Before you ask me, my dear readers, of course I said no. I have no intentions of being a baby-making machine for anyone ever!

And with that, we come to the end of the groom-hunting saga. If, after all this trouble, I do manage to meet someone really worth my effort, I will be most happy. And of course, I’ll keep you all posted! But remember, nice is normal. No fun in blogging about the good things in people! Only weird characters like PG6 make interesting protagonists…No?