Relationships…

…are complicated. By their very nature, relationships are complicated business. Of late, I have read many posts about domestic violence, complications in relationship and related stuff. I don’t know if I want to submit my entries for any kind of contest, mainly because I can’t frame my writing to such rules. But write, I will. I can’t speak of domestic violence or rape or anything else. Much has been said and written, and there is really nothing left to say. But, one thing that does make me think and reflect is psychological abuse.

Just how much is too much? I would say that every person who loves another is possessive to a certain extent. I am too. I would also get jealous if my husband or boyfriend got too close to another woman. I have. But, where do we draw the line?

I remember a conversation I had with D sometime back. Leisurely sipping a cup of coffee in the cafeteria, he said, “Have you ever thought of possessiveness as a form of love?” I protested, vehemently. One who loved could never distrust his partner enough to be jealous, I argued. No, he said. You are mistaken. The more attached you are emotionally, the more possessive you get, he said. This statement came with a disclaimer though. Not that possessiveness is a good thing; it is not. But, trust me, he said, it’s natural.

This argument continued for days, pausing every once in a while to wonder where we must draw the line between possessiveness and controlling. I still have no answers. But, to me love is all-accepting, and tolerant. When one partner becomes controlling, manipulative and irrational, it starts bordering on psychological abuse.

Domestic violence does not have to be physical. While hitting, slapping and marital rape are the most obvious and extreme forms of abuse, psychological abuse is much harder to detect and much more damaging in the long run. When a person refuses to express his/her deepest fears, most intimate desires and most important confusions to the one they are sharing their life with fear of rejection, criticism or abandonment, it could classify as psychological abuse. Trust me when I say that it takes very long to get out of that mind-set and learn to speak freely.

If you find yourself hiding things because you fear reprisal, fights, criticism, name-calling or abandonment, then you are in an abusive relationship. If you find yourself branded as a slut, a whore or as characterless because you happen to disagree with what your partner says and have many friends of the opposite sex, you most probably will be abused physically as well later. There is only one way out of this mess. Leave when you still have the time. Otherwise, it might be too late.

On writer’s block and assorted things…

It’s been one of my longest blogging breaks to date. Not that I am proud of it, but for some reason, I find myself unable to sit down and pen my thoughts with any degree of coherence. Don’t ask me why. I have no idea. But there are some random thoughts floating around in my head that I am trying extremely hard to verbalise.

First things first, what’s this hype about Valentine’s Day? Practically everyone I knew asked me what I did for V-day and practically nobody believed me when I said I went to a temple with family! I mean, what the hell? Why can’t I not go out with someone, just because it’s Valentine’s Day? The same people who are perfectly willing to accept that I am single on the 364 other days of the year, are unwilling to believe exactly the same story on V-Day? And people say I am a cynic! Sigh!!

Then…reactions to my previous blogpost. No, I don’t really want to start a school to teach men anything at all. Personally, I can’t be bothered. I leave the teaching to the mummies. And that was supposed to be a bloody joke!! Someone actually linked to me (no, I refuse to link him back) stating that the worst advertisement for feminism is a feminist! Guys!! Where is your sense of humour? Maybe I should just take sanyas and go away to the Himalayas to meditate!

Finally, I moved my backside to change my blog template. The current one looks (I hope) a bit more colourful and cheerful than the black and white one I had previously. I changed it after lots of people, from both the real world and the virtual told me my template did not go well with the title of my blog. Apparently, the template was too dull. So, here it is…my new template! Do leave a comment on what you think about it!

And now, is time to shut up and publish. Enough incoherence already! Until next time….so long!!